Julia Allison

A word about my "Romantic Life": Um ... I'm not single anymore

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:48:39 -0500

I wrote the below entry back on December 2, 2009. I did not, obviously, publish it. Why? For a multitude of reasons, not the least of which was - as I explain in the penultimate ‘graf - I was at a “very weird stage” with several young men.

And as you might have suspected, I am no longer at that weird stage. I do, in fact, officially have a boyfriend. (whoa!!) That news is both joyful and bittersweet, because I grew to care for two of the young men very much. They were - are - both good people, intelligent and thoughtful and kind. But one (Hipster Lawyer) lived far away, and the other (Prom King), just a few city blocks. In the end, that made all the difference.

Of course, a one sentence summation belies the true complexity of the last few months. Decisions about love under extenuating circumstances are heartbreaking. But the details are not something I am ready to share, and not something I will likely ever share. Suffice it to say that there is great adoration and respect between Hipster Lawyer and me, and we will always have a special place in each other’s hearts.

Life has taught me time and time again that one cannot always know why things happen - only that they happen for a reason.

December 2, 2009

God, I actually have a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach just writing this post. Weird.

I wrote this about three times in my head, while lying in bed attempting to fall asleep last night, but of course I can’t remember exactly how I put it. All I know is that it wasn’t like this. ;)

Anyway … so.

Longtime readers know that I haven’t written much* about my dating life in a long time. That, we’ve found - and by “we” I mean every single even-tangentially-public individual in the history of the planet - is fraught. This conclusion is old and tired and pretty well agreed upon, although as fresh-faced young things enter into the public space they will invariably decide “I’m the exception to the DON’T EVER EVER EVER MENTION YOUR RELATIONSHIP RULE” and then find, much to their broken-hearted chagrin, that they are not in fact the exception to anything, except perhaps being subject to fatness & gravity after birth and whatnot.

Uh … right. Of course, by “haven’t written much” I mean no proper names (not since Charles, who loved being showcased), a few mentions of actually going on dates or seeing someone, maybe a tweet about a first or second date, but relatively little detail. I thought obscuring their identities, like Code Name TK, and posting about things that absolutely no one could construe as “oversharing” (playing Frisbee? hiking in Runyon Canyon? Eating s’mores?), I could be open about dating or a relationship without dooming it.

I was, again, naive.

There was a REASON I gave CodeNameTK a code name (and I will give all guys code names until the day I’m married) and it was to protect him. Very few men can handle the heat of hate websites, and that was certainly the case with TK. I underestimated their dedication, as well as their ability to figure out who he was from what I thought were very, very basic bits of biographical information (his age, his city, his profession).*

Of course, there are always guys like Prom King, who thinks it’s adorable to post to the site. But for every Prom King, there are five guys like … well, I’ll have to haul out the old [redacted], who can’t handle even a code name and a few airbrushed details.

Most guys I date are in the middle, like Hipster Lawyer.

* Shakes head, realizes I’ve gotten totally off track. *

Ugh. This is not the point of the post, damnit!

The point of the post is to say this: I’m at a very weird stage with a few guys right now - Prom King, Hipster Lawyer & Wild Card (definitely not the nickname my girl friends & I call him, but that one isn’t suitable for public consumption). I’m under five dates with each of them, which is V. Early Stage. But at least one reads this site and another definitely checks my Twitter … well, you can imagine how odd this whole thing is.

It’s enough to make me not want to discuss my dating life, AT ALL.

And I didn’t … until now. Famous last words, right?

In any case, I won’t be “discussing” my relationship with Prom King, per se, but you will hear about him from time to time, because, well … he’s a large part of my life now.

And that, my friends, is all I have to say about that.

This Alice + Olivia pale yellow halter is SO cute. Why is it not...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:44:16 -0500

This Alice + Olivia pale yellow halter is SO cute.

Why is it not SUMMER YET, damnit?!

LOVE this creative purple Malandrino confection (the deep color...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:38:36 -0500

LOVE this creative purple Malandrino confection (the deep color and crazy fun sleeves are FANTASTIC), but I have it in black, and I’ve realized I have to be Posh Spice thin to look good in it. Sigh.

I’m thinking this green Issa dress is the perfect thing to...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:35:57 -0500

I’m thinking this green Issa dress is the perfect thing to wear for the pilot. Brightly colored, V-neck, with fun sleeves. Maybe paired with a huge statement necklace. And my crazy long hair. HA

Too much is never enough on tv, eh?

Me: What do you think of this dress?Him: I like it except for...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:18:40 -0500

Me: What do you think of this dress?
Him: I like it except for … those things.
Me: The shoulder pads?
Him: Yeah
Me: Well, unfortunately, that’s what makes it fashionable.

Jury is out on this Marc by Marc Jacobs striped number. I like...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:15:58 -0500

Jury is out on this Marc by Marc Jacobs striped number. I like it, but maybe not for $330.

Obsessed with this Rachel Pally dress. GORG. (I sort of hate...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:12:00 -0500

Obsessed with this Rachel Pally dress. GORG.

(I sort of hate using abbreviations like “gorg” but nonetheless, it seems particularly applicable in this instance. So. Sorry.)

Inside the Outsider’s Art Fair

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:03:46 -0500

Inside the Outsider’s Art Fair

Inside the Outsider’s Art Fair, Part 2

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:03:06 -0500

Inside the Outsider’s Art Fair, Part 2

Prom King feeding me one of the bajillion courses last night. ...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 22:39:00 -0500

Prom King feeding me one of the bajillion courses last night. Oh sweet yums.

Also, it should be noted, I am wearing absolutely no makeup. I just haven’t really felt the need lately. Don’t know why. Probably a combination of being too lazy to put it on and being relieved that I can get ready in 20 minutes flat without it. Men have it so good. ugh.

Megan and I with our respective BFs (!!) during last...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 22:21:00 -0500

Megan and I with our respective BFs (!!) during last night’s 26-course (REALLY) double date at the adorably charming Maroni’s in Long Island.

I’m still not used to that word: boyfriend.

Whoa.

(PS. Megs & I are both in DVF wrap dresses, which is, btw, the perfect item to wear when you’re eating 348 lbs of unbelievable Italian food. HA.)

Photo

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 21:56:31 -0500

"The genius of the Puppy Bowl is that there is absolutely nothing—nothing—to the Puppy Bowl but..."

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 21:34:43 -0500

“The genius of the Puppy Bowl is that there is absolutely nothing—nothing—to the Puppy Bowl but people projecting their total adoration of baby dogs onto their TVs. There is nothing objectionable about this. The Puppy Bowl is wonderful, and if you don’t like it, you’re basically a heartless, terrible, awful person. I hope you die and are reborn as a squeaking plush porcupine.”

- The Puppy Bowl is the Greatest Thing Ever

Just because I’m not watching the Superbowl doesn’t...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 21:26:00 -0500

Just because I’m not watching the Superbowl doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the ads.

And yes, of course I got chills and teared up a little. Because that’s who I am and that’s what I do.

I’m not going to apologize for being a hopeless romantic. Sometimes life rewards you for it. ;)

I’m gearing up to fly to LA for a fashion-related cable...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 21:15:00 -0500

I’m gearing up to fly to LA for a fashion-related cable pilot Tuesday - Friday, then cover Fashion Week (starts the 11th) for NBC’s New York NonStop, so this afternoon, in lieu of watching the superbowl, I’m fishing around the internet for fun new wardrobe ideas. (Uh, feel free to send me some, too!)

Just stumbled across this pink sparkly Alice + Olivia number. Obviously I love it (duh), although, alas, I can’t pull it off. Whatevs! Everyone has to have a “Goal” dress. ;)

Him: Give me a sip of your cappuccino.

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 21:00:58 -0500

Him: Give me a sip of your cappuccino.
Me: Too late. [takes last sip]
Him: Love means you're supposed to want to give me the last sip.
Me: Maybe we'll get there one day.
Him: HA! I doubt you'll *ever* give me the last sip.
Me: Yeah. I'm like a wild animal when it comes to food.

"The female’s strategy is a compromise - a trade-off between on the one hand the greater risk..."

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 19:55:15 -0500

“The female’s strategy is a compromise - a trade-off between on the one hand the greater risk of mating with a bad male if she mates too quickly, and on the other hand the time cost of delay.”

- File under: “the truth, ain’t this”

Mating Patterns: The Ideal Female Strategy is a Trade Off

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 19:53:57 -0500

Why You Can’t Hurry Love

Scientists have developed a mathematical model of the mating game to help explain why courtship is often protracted. The study, by researchers at UCL (University College London), University of Warwick and LSE (London School of Economics and Political Science), shows that extended courtship enables a male to signal his suitability to a female and enables the female to screen out the male if he is unsuitable as a mate.

The research, published this month in the Journal of Theoretical Biology, uses game theory to analyse how males and females behave strategically towards each other in the mating game. The mathematical model considers a male and a female in a courtship encounter of unspecified duration, with the game ending when one or other party quits or the female accepts the male as a mate. The model assumes that the male is either a ”good” or a ”bad” type from the female’s point of view, according to his condition or willingness to care for the young after mating. The female gets a positive payoff from mating if the male is a ”good” male but a negative payoff if he is ”bad”, so it is in her interest to gain information about the male’s type with the aim of avoiding mating with a “bad” male. In contrast, a male gets a positive payoff from mating with any female, though his payoff is higher if he is “good” than if he is “bad”.

The study looks for evolutionarily stable equilibrium behaviours, in which females are doing as well as they can against male behaviour and males are doing as well as they can against female behaviour. It shows that extended courtship can take place, with a good male being willing to court for longer than a bad male and the female delaying mating. In this way the duration of a male’s courtship effort carries information about his type. By delaying mating, the female is able to make some use of this information to achieve a degree of screening. Because bad males have a greater tendency to quit the courtship game early, as time goes on and the male has not quit it becomes increasingly probable that he is a “good” male.

Professor Robert Seymour, UCL Mathematics, says: “Courtship in a number of animal species occurs over an extended period of time. Human courtship, for example, can involve a sequence of dinners, theatre trips and other outings lasting months or even years. One partner - often the male - may pay the greater part of the financial cost, but to both sexes there is a significant cost of time which could be spent on other productive activities. Why don’t people and other animals speed things up to reduce these costs? The answer seems to be that longer courtship is a way for the female to acquire information about the male.

“By delaying mating, the female is able to reduce the chance that she will mate with a bad male. A male’s willingness to court for a long time is a signal that he is likely to be a good male. Long courtship is a price paid for increasing the chance that mating, if it occurs, will be a harmonious match which benefits both sexes. This may help to explain the commonly held belief that a woman is best advised not to sleep with a man on a first date.”

Dr Peter Sozou, Warwick Medical School and LSE Centre for Philosophy of Natural and Social Science, says: “From a female’s point of view, males are not all equal. A female would like to mate with a good male, but cannot tell a male’s type from his appearance alone. The strategic problem the female faces is how to screen out bad males, and this is where long courtship comes into play. A male is assumed to always want to mate with a female, but a good male is more willing to pay the cost of a long courtship in order to claim the prize of mating. This leads to an outcome in which the female is not willing to mate immediately, but instead requires the male to wait for an indeterminate time before she agrees to mate with him. During this time, the male may give up on courting the female.

“Bad males give up at some random time if the female has not by then mated with them, but good males are more persistent and do not give up. The female’s strategy is a compromise - a trade-off between on the one hand the greater risk of mating with a bad male if she mates too quickly, and on the other hand the time cost of delay. Under this compromise there remains some risk that she will mate with the wrong type of male. She cannot eliminate this risk completely unless she decides never to mate.”

See, ladies? “Good males are more persistent and do not give up.”

This, I’ve found, is indeed the case.

Wait … are bustiers (or bralets) in now? Because if...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 19:47:00 -0500

Wait … are bustiers (or bralets) in now? Because if that’s the case, I am so down with that trend.

Although the woman above does look a little cracked out. But I don’t think we should foist the blame upon her Vena Cava wardrobe for that.

Apropos of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING being the only human being on...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 19:45:17 -0500

Apropos of ~~ABSOLUTELY NOTHING~~ being the only human being on earth not watching the super bowl, damn I love this ruched Foley & Corinna dress.