Read my column on BAD TEXT over HERE at Time Out New York.com
Here’s a tease to get you going …
Time Out New York: Sex & Dating
Bad Textiquette by Julia Allison
Issue 694: January 15-21, 2009
“sexxx tonight? yes ot no?”
That would be an ACTUAL TEXT received by marketing account manager Alexa, 28. Perhaps unsurprisingly, she went with the latter option.
So many texts, so little texiquette - something I discovered recently, when a man who was attempting - badly - to woo me, sent me the following SMS:
“Would luv 2 but meet n friends 4 dinner. R u fly n home 4 the holidays? If not, may b we could get together Wed nite. Hope the tape n went well. Talk soon..”
He followed up that gem with these scholarly snippets: “Go n 2 the folks 4 the day. Should b nice.” and “Kool. Look n forward 2 it” and “Thx 4 a nice even n!”
Two dates, sans even a kiss on the mouth, and don’t think those texts had nothing to do with it. Spell “cool” with a “k” and … hmm … how shall I put this? Don’t bother stocking up on condoms.
Sound harsh? Whatever, this is Manhattan, people. The land of the OBO (Or Better Offer). The city of BBD (Bigger, Better, Deals). The town which demands BETTER than the best, which means: get your texting game straight, foo. (Hint: no, not “str8.”)
Look, text whatever you want to your friends or your relatives. Tell your mom you’ll “b a littl l8r than thot, c u soon.” Fine. Whatever. She’s going to wonder why she spent $150,000 on your college tuition, but ultimately, it’s a moot point: she’s required to love you.
But if you’re trying to get someone to fuck you, you’d better mind your textiquette, which means a few very simple NOs!
The NOs and SERIOUSLY - NO!!!!!s of TEXTIQUETTE (and sure, some YES’s thrown in, for good measure).