At The Nutcracker with Michael, two years ago.
Today I talked a lot about the “perfect” gift for wives & girlfriends, and he was the best gift giver I could ever imagine - just incredibly, incredibly thoughtful. A reader asked whether I would give up jewelry for a love letter - truth? Fuck, yes.
I would give him back the necklace, the earrings, the ring, and the dress, just to have the love letter he wrote to me that Christmas …
My dearest Julia,
I could tell you I love you a thousand times, fall asleep with you in my arms a thousand times, write you a thousand love letters, shower you with presents, flowers, and most importantly my love and interest, and I don’t think I’d ever be satisfied that you know exactly how important you are to me. This weekend I felt that love reciprocated and it made me so hopeful about our future. But giving you my love was easy … now I’m giving you my trust, which is both difficult and frightening for me. Keep it safe and keep yourself safe because I’d be lost without you. I’m counting the minutes until I can be with you again …
I loved him very much, but I ended it, and I’ve missed him almost every day since (he cut off all contact, which was devastating to me). I no longer allow myself to think about him. It’s too painful.
But - excuse the somewhat cheesy existentialism here - I think life gives us the circumstances we need to become who we’re meant to be. I wouldn’t be half as strong as I am now, had he been next to me, supporting me this entire time.
Still, believe me, the next guy who comes along like him, I will NEVER, EVER let go.
