“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count.
But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years.
But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable.
The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.”
— Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story, Chuck Klosterman
I agree with that all, until the very end, when Klosterman says that he or she - the person who defines what “love” is for you - wins and you lose. I don’t believe that to be true. There is no “winning” or “losing,” unless they were truly monsters - but even then, even if you’ve had a love life riddled with chaos and heartbreak (and I’ve had those moments), why should you allow one person to define what love means to you? Beyond that, why should your optimism and belief in love not to remain unmitigated?
If you’ve loved once, you’ll love again. It’s a choice, I think. You choose to open yourself up to it or you choose not to … but either way, it’s under your control. Things won’t always work out the way you might like, but I suppose that’s part of the deal. Whenever a relationship I’m in ends, I remind myself that one of the most delicious parts of life is not knowing what’s to come.
“The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably.”
That, puppies, is hope.
