You all know I’ve been having a difficult time of it lately … but for some reason, two days ago, my perspective suddenly (without warning) shifted. It felt like a Magic Eye, where I was squinting at the painting for hours and hours trying to see the hidden picture, and then - BOOM - I saw it.
One of my biggest issues - and I think this is the case for many of us - is that we’re our own worst enemies in terms of finding happiness (or contentment, which is probably a better adjective). We focus on what’s going wrong, not what’s going right. We fixate on what we don’t have, not what we do, what we’re lacking, not our abundance.
The truth is, once we shift our perspective to focus on the gifts in our lives, our problems seem … well … small in comparison.
I had a tough time in the month after my breakup with Prom King, for a variety of reasons (some of which had nothing to do with him at all!). But two things helped me get through to where I am now:
1) Forgiving myself for feeling pain. Don’t use this as an excuse to wallow, but don’t deny yourself a chance to grieve. I loved PK, and our relationship meant a lot to me, and it’s okay that I cried over him. Thank god I did! I needed to go through that. And just because I felt great yesterday and today doesn’t necessarily mean I’m done shedding tears over him forever. It just means that I’ve gone through an important part of the grieving process. The end of a relationship - or a job, or a friendship - is like a death. It deserves to be processed, and felt, and experienced fully. How else can you learn from it and move on if you never go through that??
2) Getting over this crazy idea that “happiness” means we’re happy ALL THE TIME, with no ups and downs. I posted something yesterday about what a beautiful day it was, and how I was thrilled to be having lunch with one of my favorite friends. I let myself be completely in the moment there - just appreciating the sun and the weather and my friend and the veggie burger at Houston’s - and some Debbie Downer tweeted back that I was “bipolar.” Girl, welcome to life! Sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. That’s just the way things go. It’s NORMAL not to be blissed out all the time. If you were, how could you ever appreciate it?? I’m so grateful for these feelings of contentment right now because, frankly, I’ve had a bit of a craptastic last few weeks. It’s like having a meal after being on a fast. Doesn’t matter what it is, it tastes damn good.
We’re human, our emotions are cyclical. Life isn’t always going to be a party (and too many parties in a row makes the parties feel like work). The worst thing to do to ourselves is demand that we not feel the way we’re feeling.
So today, take stock of your situation and do as Ralph Marston advises: reassess, shift your viewpoint and realize your blessings. The cliche is true: life really is what you make of it.
