WHAT FACTORS DETERMINE WHOSE PLACE YOU SLEEP AT?? (Whoever gets the most points, wins apartment-of-the-night award!)

1) Whose house is closest to where you are right then? - 4 points

2) Who has to get up earliest for work? - 3 points (if before 7 am, an extra 2 points)

3) Who has to travel farther for work? - 2 points

4) Whose place has closer transport? - 2 points

5) Whose place is more comfortable? (heat / ac / couch) - 3 points if hanging out on weekend, if merely weeknight sleepover, 0 points, but see #6.

6) Whose bed is more comfortable? - 2 points - subtract 1 point if bed is double, 6 points if bed is twin or nonexistent (yes, this has happened), subtract 4 points if you’re continually unclear as to when he (or, theoretically, she) last washed her sheets.

7) Who has roommates? - subtract 3 points for roommates, 1 more if they’re fucking annoying.

8) Add 2 points for women who wear makeup/have contacts/like to wash their face with all of their potions and products.  Add another 2 points if she’s wearing a dress and heels for a dinner out and has to go to work in the morning, so thus has to pack an overnight bag.

9) Add 3 points for anyone who has a pet who needs to be walked.

10) Subtract 10 points for Brooklyn.

11) Subtract 3 points for whoever wants the ability to “leave whenever they want to.”