So back when I was first out of college, I wrote a monthly dating column for COED magazine - a sort of collegiate Maxim, if you will. I also did regular Q&A on their website (with the above graphic as the header - yep, I was a baby in that photo). Today, when I was looking for an old document, I stumbled across these. Thought you might get a kick out of them. This is circa 2005, btw. :)
Q: I have a new girlfriend at school, and I’m wondering whether I am spending too much time with her. How can I tell?
A: It’s very simple: if you have to wonder, then you are. And let me tell you, girls dislike clingy guys just as much as guys dislike clingy girls. So become acquainted with the library, your roommate, a sport or smoking pot – anything to give yourself a little distance.
Q: My boyfriend and I have no privacy, not in our dorm rooms; that’s for sure. We’re ready to take it outdoors. Where are some of your favorite places for making love in the sunshine and why so?
A: Uh … good luck with that. 9 times out of 10 having sex outside is overrated. Sand, bugs, uncomfortable grass, allergens, other people – it makes dorms look pretty good in comparison. That having been said, if you’re lucky enough to live in California or it’s summer in the rest of the country, you can take two large picnic blankets out to a secluded spot on campus and have a go at it. Other than that, I’m afraid the library might be your next best bet. It’s not outside, it’s not secluded, but at least you won’t end up with a giant rash all over your nether regions.
Q: I’m only a sophomore, but I just had my first threesome, which was pretty wild. I had a good time, but I had a little trouble keeping my erection. I want to hook-up with this guy and his girlfriend again, but now I’m starting to wonder whether I won’t rise to the occasion.
A: If you think like that you’ll pysch yourself out and then you DEFINITELY won’t rise to the occasion. A lot of guys do this – there is absolutely nothing wrong with them physically but they get it in their heads that they can’t get it up, and viola – their dick is DOA. They think they need Viagra but what they really need is a healthy boost of penis self-confidence. Try to think positive thoughts and you’ll have no trouble at all. Oh yeah – and congrats on the threesome.
Q: A bunch of guys in my freshmen dorm and I pledged SAE last fall, and we’re having a great time. Thing is, each of us is sleeping with his Big Sister, all of them seniors. That’s why we are having a great time. Does it sound a little strange to you, though?
A: I have no idea what you’re talking about, so yes, it sounds like a little strange to me. Either you were drunk when you wrote the question or … you need to go back to English 101 and study the basics. I’m not sure which it is – but what I got out of it your query was this: 1) you pledged a frat. 2) you’re sleeping with someone called Big Sister and 3) you’re having a good time. Where’s the problem here?
Q: I not really experienced with guys, but I have a feeling my new boyfriend is a selfish lover. What are the tell-tale signs?
A: If he pushes you out of bed, he’s a selfish lover. If he pushes your head towards his crotch, selfish lover. If he refuses to wear a condom when you ask, selfish lover. If he makes faces when you take off your clothes, he’s just a dick. I’d say that if you have a feeling he is, he probably is. In which case dump him now, because college is way too short to sleep with a dick.
