Getting over your ex ... or not.

The theme for this week’s Time Out column is exes (ooh! my favorite topic!), and getting over them. Or … not getting over them, as the case may be.

I’ve noticed with my own exes that my ability to get over them doesn’t seem to be proportionate with how long we dated, or even how much I loved them. It seems - at least on first analysis - to be related to how “resolved” or “unresolved” I feel about them. With some, I move on immediately. With others, I can’t stop thinking about them. For YEARS (sigh).

And yes, that makes me feel like a loser. (But as my friend Pickett says, “Who doesn’t have trouble getting over their exes, though? It’s just that no one talks about it.”)

Mary’s point of view is this: “I think it’s natural to always wonder ‘what if?’ For some people you think, hmm, a different time, a different place, if I was more mature, if he were more mature - would it have worked out?”

Of course, sometimes resolution can come if you just wait long enough. I had quite a bit of trouble getting over one particular college boyfriend, until two years later, I realized … I had.

But occasionally I still wonder: what if I NEVER get over the exes I can’t get out of my head? Are there people out there who still hold a torch for a former flame, even years later??

Why are some exes easier to get over than others?

When do you stop wondering what if? Should you force yourself to stop? CAN you force yourself to stop?? (um, helpful tips are welcome!)

Email me (julia@juliaallison.com) or reblog your thoughts!