I really should be heading over to my place to pack for tomorrow’s flight to LA (I’m holding up my eyelids, I’m so tired), but I wanted to address a few comments I’ve gotten recently …
I know Prom King has a tendency to plan - and execute - extravagant events. He’s quite well-known among his circle for being, uh … in the kindest possible terms, “a former player” (that would be until a few months ago, FYI, hahah) … but he’s never done these sorts of things for any other girl he’s dated (his sister and friends have backed him up on this). He does them for me because he knows I appreciate it - and, frankly, because he enjoys it.
But I’ll be honest with you: Just because a guy is thoughtful (he is), generous (he is), and creative (he is), doesn’t mean that our relationship is perfect. It’s not.
What you didn’t see in those Valentine’s Day photos was a very tough dinner conversation. You didn’t see us trying to learn how to communicate with one another. You didn’t see our doubts and our fears and our insecurities. You just saw glitter and smiles and sugar and champagne. Which is fine … which is part of it. But that’s not all of it.
I don’t like Prom King because of what he does for me. I like him because he cares enough about me to want to do those things. I also like that he actually takes notice when I mention things (such as “Betsey Johnson is one of my favorite designers!”) I’ve dated men before who barely remembered Valentine’s Day at all, let alone understood how important it is to me.
I won’t lie … this isn’t the first time I’ve been doted upon like this. It’s the first time in a long time, but it’s not the first time. The difference is that now I’m old enough - wise enough - to realize doting alone does not a good relationship make.
And I’ve grown up enough to realize that while every relationship needs a bit of magic now and again, it’s more important to have compatibility in all the moments in between … moments when you’re curled up on the couch together, or walking the (small white) dog, or even grocery shopping. Those are the moments which make up life. Special occasions should be just that - special - but they aren’t everything.
As for Prom King? He has a good heart. And great values. He cares deeply about his family, his friends, and now, me.
I can’t give back to him the way he does for me, but I can do small things to show I care. I left little post-it notes around the house this morning. I surprised him with his favorite dinner. I made him hot chocolate. I folded his laundry. I put together an enormous photobook which now sits on his coffee table.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is this:
This is still a new relationship. It is not perfect, even if the photographs (and his gestures) make it seem like it is. I am not perfect and he is not perfect. So, by definition, it’s silly to assume that we would be perfect together.
The fact is, I’ve never been in a “perfect” relationship. But I have been in love, several times. It is wonderful and confusing and thrilling and overwhelming. But I am not in love with him. I don’t think he is in love with me. We care about one another very much, and I hope that will happen eventually … but how can one predict the heart?
In the meantime, I’m trying to stop thinking about it (HA), stop over-analyzing it (HAHAH!), and just enjoy the moment. Let it unfold, right?
