I wrote the below entry back on December 2, 2009.  I did not, obviously, publish it.  Why?  For a multitude of reasons, not the least of which was - as I explain in the penultimate ‘graf - I was at a “very weird stage” with several young men.

And as you might have suspected, I am no longer at that weird stage.  I do, in fact, officially have a boyfriend. (whoa!!) That news is both joyful and bittersweet, because I grew to care for two of the young men very much.  They were - are - both good people, intelligent and thoughtful and kind.  But one (Hipster Lawyer) lived far away, and the other (Prom King), just a few city blocks.  In the end, that made all the difference.

Of course, a one sentence summation belies the true complexity of the last few months.  Decisions about love under extenuating circumstances are heartbreaking.  But the details are not something I am ready to share, and not something I will likely ever share. Suffice it to say that there is great adoration and respect between Hipster Lawyer and me, and we will always have a special place in each other’s hearts.

Life has taught me time and time again that one cannot always know why things happen - only that they happen for a reason.

December 2, 2009

God, I actually have a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach just writing this post.  Weird.

I wrote this about three times in my head, while lying in bed attempting to fall asleep last night, but of course I can’t remember exactly how I put it.  All I know is that it wasn’t like this. ;)

Anyway … so.

Longtime readers know that I haven’t written much* about my dating life in a long time.  That, we’ve found - and by “we” I mean every single even-tangentially-public individual in the history of the planet - is fraught.  This conclusion is old and tired and pretty well agreed upon, although as fresh-faced young things enter into the public space they will invariably decide “I’m the exception to the DON’T EVER EVER EVER MENTION YOUR RELATIONSHIP RULE” and then find, much to their broken-hearted chagrin, that they are not in fact the exception to anything, except perhaps being subject to fatness & gravity after birth and whatnot.

Uh … right.  Of course, by “haven’t written much” I mean no proper names (not since Charles, who loved being showcased), a few mentions of actually going on dates or seeing someone, maybe a tweet about a first or second date, but relatively little detail.  I thought obscuring their identities, like Code Name TK, and posting about things that absolutely no one could construe as “oversharing” (playing Frisbee?  hiking in Runyon Canyon? Eating s’mores?), I could be open about dating or a relationship without dooming it.

I was, again, naive.

There was a REASON I gave CodeNameTK a code name (and I will give all guys code names until the day I’m married) and it was to protect him.  Very few men can handle the heat of hate websites, and that was certainly the case with TK.  I underestimated their dedication, as well as their ability to figure out who he was from what I thought were very, very basic bits of biographical information (his age, his city, his profession).*

Of course, there are always guys like Prom King, who thinks it’s adorable to post to the site.  But for every Prom King, there are five guys like … well, I’ll have to haul out the old [redacted], who can’t handle even a code name and a few airbrushed details.

Most guys I date are in the middle, like Hipster Lawyer.

* Shakes head, realizes I’ve gotten totally off track. *

Ugh.  This is not the point of the post, damnit!

The point of the post is to say this: I’m at a very weird stage with a few guys right now - Prom King, Hipster Lawyer & Wild Card (definitely not the nickname my girl friends & I call him, but that one isn’t suitable for public consumption).  I’m under five dates with each of them, which is V. Early Stage.  But at least one reads this site and another definitely checks my Twitter … well, you can imagine how odd this whole thing is.

It’s enough to make me not want to discuss my dating life, AT ALL.

And I didn’t … until now.  Famous last words, right?

In any case, I won’t be “discussing” my relationship with Prom King, per se, but you will hear about him from time to time, because, well … he’s a large part of my life now.

And that, my friends, is all I have to say about that.

xo