I was comparing the storytelling of Gym Class Heroes to other rap artists’ lyrics, which tend to focus on the following:

1. The crucial champagne selection process (generally they sip “Cristal,” “Dom” or, on occasion, “Chandon” - although that is only imbibed when sporting “a [rolex]” on one’s arm).
2. What to do with one’s hands (“up” is the preferred position).
3. Cash [aka: money].  Like Jim Cramer, they have varied financial insights, including observations that she might not, in fact, actually be a “golddigga” [sic] but it doesn’t seem as if she dates [men] in the lower tax brackets.  Later on we learn that it “must be the money,” however, it may just be that greater wealth leads to a significant increase in problems, maybe even 99 of them, of which your [possibly golddigging woman] is definitively not one.  In that case, perhaps you should ask ODB what he’s done with your money, because he says he has it.
4. They frequently give directions: (“dropp[ing] it like it is hot” is especially appreciated, also, if one is a regulator, one is encouraged to “mount up.”)
5. If in doubt, they refer to their automobiles, focusing on how many inches the blades are on one’s Impala and discussions of when one will be ready to fornicate in the backseat of one’s jeep.  If you’re not interested in 4WD vehicles that never quite make it off-road, they have several other options, including, but not limited to: in the Georgia dome on the 50-yard line, in the DJ booth, in the back of the VIP, while the boat rocks, on the beach with black sand, in a public bathroom, or in the back of the classroom, up on the roof, in the bathtub with the candles lit, in the pouring rain, under the train (dangerous!), when it’s hot (or cold) out, in the library on top of books (but you can’t be too loud).  One caveat: you really must know his name, because he’ll be asking you what it is, and if you don’t know, that might be awkward.
6. Did we mention sex?  They like to talk about sex.  Lots and lots of sex.  If you’re not already a “ho” with a distinctive area code, they would like to tell you that they see you “winding and grinding up on the floor” and would like you to know that, thanks to this view, they would like to [have vigorous sex] with you.  Although you probably “already know … girl.”  But just in case you weren’t sure, they would also like you to know that they “used to [be a drug dealer]” (amphetamines!! duh.  Where’d you think they got the energy for all that [vigorous sex]?)  Perhaps you can meet up at the East Side Motel, which is a favorite of Regulators.  Where rhythm is life, and life is rhythm.

(Okay, seriously, I can’t believe I just spent the last 35 minutes writing this.  So sad.)