THIS GUY is Joey Lekas, whom I hadn’t seen in a solid decade. Who is Joey Lekas, you ask? Who INDEED.
Joey Lekas (who now surely goes by the less sophomoric moniker “Joe”) has the dubious distinction of being My Very First Date Ever in my now formidable 15-year Dating Career. (Mom: “You’ve now been dating longer than you’ve NOT been dating.”)
We were both driven (separately? together? I feel like I would remember had I been “OMG MOM!” Totally Traumatized by being driven together. Then again, I may have just blocked this memory out.) to Old Orchard, which served as “The Mall” in our neck of the woods. Upon reaching said Mall, we embarked upon the Purchasing of Tickets, a process fraught with peril. Would he pay? Did he pay? I actually have no idea. That I don’t recall whether My Very First Date Ever even paid the $6.50 (2 for $13!) disturbs me greatly. I’ll just assume (for the sake of chivalry) that he did. The movie? POCAHONTAS.
Oh yes, yes. Poc-a-HON-tas. As in, the G-rated animated Disney film starring a Native American Princess. (Don’t make me sing to you about The Colors of the Wind!) It seems I began subjecting the men I date to chick flicks from the very start. Poor Joey Lekas.
So, with popcorn in hand - and I do believe there was popcorn, although, again, I can’t be sure - let’s talk about what transpired on said First of All First Dates:
Uhhh … Not much.
No kissing, THAT’S for sure. I was thirteen years old, in eighth grade, and I had never been kissed, not even by accident, like a friend of mine who bum-rushed a kid in fourth grade and licked him. First saliva exchange, CHECK! No, no, there were no such brilliantly sordid incidents in my past. I did in fact wish intently to be kissed, but I was exceedingly unclear about how to indicate such interest. Did one discuss it? Did one lean in and sort of hover? Did one gaze longingly into the awkward eyes of a fellow thirteen year old? That seemed like a very bad idea indeed.
We did, however, HOLD HANDS. In addition, I distinctly remember there was AWKWARD ARM DRAPERY during the actual movie part of the movie, awkward arm drapery which ended up - as awkward arm drapery is wont to do - being, well … awkward. As in, very, very uncomfortable. Of course, I would experience much of this Uncomfortable Physical Intertwining in the succeeding years, as legs and hands and feet and even necks were contorted in repeated attempts at G-Rated, then PG, then PG-13 (where I obviously stopped, hahah) romantic unions.
So. How did My Very First Date Ever end? Did we go on further Totally Emasculating Dates and experience Yet More Awkward Arm Drapery ?
No. I think he dumped me. But again, can’t exactly remember the particulars. Don’t really recall an actual conversation where he said specifically there would be no more Disney Outings. Maybe it was an early version of The Fade? The Fade Beta? Sigh.
Ah, 13 or 28, some things never change.
