![Going through Fashion Week photos to find some that are fit for publication … and I can’t stop wondering when this whole “peace with one’s appearance” thing starts. Because I’m certainly not happy with mine, and I’m frustrated with my feelings about it. I’m tired of feeling insecure, tired of feeling “not quite …” enough. Not quite pretty enough, not quite thin enough, not quite _[fill in the blank]_ enough.
My college roommate called me up the other day, and commented that she thought I had lost weight, per some of my most recent photos. And I laughed, because I felt like a fraud. Maybe I’ve lost three or four pounds, I don’t know. I don’t really weigh myself. But I also take dozens and dozens of photos - and I post only a handful, maybe less. Plus, I’m wearing makeup, hair extensions, six-inch heels which elongate my legs, on which I’ve smeared bronzer. I have on expensive jewelry, a borrowed designer dress and - probably - a push-up bra. I’m standing at the most flattering angle and I’ve probably fiddled with the exposure on the camera so the flash blows out any other flaws. If I knew how to photoshop, I’d probably do that too. In other words: IT’S NOT REAL.
I just point this out because … I don’t know why. I suppose it makes me feel slightly guilty, all these carefully curated photos. Are they me? I don’t know. Sometimes I wish we lived in a world without cameras. (Yes, I realize the irony of me saying that.) It might eliminate the whole “self-scrutiny” problem. Probably. ;)](http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l94m4fbXko1qz6dlko1_400.jpg)
Going through Fashion Week photos to find some that are fit for publication … and I can’t stop wondering when this whole “peace with one’s appearance” thing starts. Because I’m certainly not happy with mine, and I’m frustrated with my feelings about it. I’m tired of feeling insecure, tired of feeling “not quite …” enough. Not quite pretty enough, not quite thin enough, not quite _[fill in the blank]_ enough.
My college roommate called me up the other day, and commented that she thought I had lost weight, per some of my most recent photos. And I laughed, because I felt like a fraud. Maybe I’ve lost three or four pounds, I don’t know. I don’t really weigh myself. But I also take dozens and dozens of photos - and I post only a handful, maybe less. Plus, I’m wearing makeup, hair extensions, six-inch heels which elongate my legs, on which I’ve smeared bronzer. I have on expensive jewelry, a borrowed designer dress and - probably - a push-up bra. I’m standing at the most flattering angle and I’ve probably fiddled with the exposure on the camera so the flash blows out any other flaws. If I knew how to photoshop, I’d probably do that too. In other words: IT’S NOT REAL.
I just point this out because … I don’t know why. I suppose it makes me feel slightly guilty, all these carefully curated photos. Are they me? I don’t know. Sometimes I wish we lived in a world without cameras. (Yes, I realize the irony of me saying that.) It might eliminate the whole “self-scrutiny” problem. Probably. ;)
