Email of the Day

From: “The Anonymous Dylan” <theanonymousdylan@gmail.com>
Date: July 22, 2008 5:49:40 PM EDT
To: julia@nonsociety.com
Subject: Why can’t I find a date?

Julia,

I’m a tall, muscular, reputedly handsome intellectual of 18. I have broad interests. I can hold a conversation. I’m not abrasive or rude. I can feel. And yet, the young women I’m interested in flock to philistines and the archetypal American man, an insensitive, soporific brute of a human being.

How can I change my dateless situation?

Many thanks,
-Dylan

———

Um, OMG. Dylan you little bundle of tumbleweed! If I were a decade younger, I’d be all over you - or any guy who throws around the pejorative “philistines” … in fact, the only guy I know who regularly uses that word is my darling high school ex Dan.

So I forwarded him the email:

On Tue, Jul 22, 2008 at 6:22 PM, Julia Allison wrote:

is this an email from the past, sent to the future from your 18-year-old self?

And he replied:

From: Dan
Date: July 22, 2008 8:25:06 PM EDT
To: Julia Allison
Subject: Re: Why can’t I find a date?

When I was 18, I didn’t know what “soporific” meant. I’m not sure that that’s the word he meant to use either, but I wouldn’t have used it. Also, if my name was Dylan, I’d shoot myself.

DS

—————-

Well there you go … Dylan, I think you have your problem figured out. Change your name to “Dan,” up your belligerence (I always thought it was sexy when Dan did that), and women as misguided as me will - if not fling panties at you - always find you intriguing. And maybe show you their boobs.

Ladies, feel free to email our soporific lad at the email above. (Although, thinking this through clearly, boob photos should probably lean towards classy, so as not to result in philistine status - for you.)

Julia Allison: Putting the Service in Service-y, ish.