Techcrunch editor Michael Arrington wrote an incisive piece today about the new(ish) but increasingly rampant trend of gossip blogging about people who are not celebrities (welcome to my life).  Having been a frequent and continuous target of these blogs for the last two years, I’ve commented on this subject before.  Although Arrington refers specifically to the Silicon Valley-centric (and Gawker media owned) Valleywag, his arguments could be applied to any community’s insider media vehicle.

I say “media vehicle” here because irresponsible gossiping certainly isn’t restricted to blogs; what blogs have done - or rather, what the internet and its subsequent universal access to simple blogging platforms have done - is allow just about anyone to publish just about anything, with little or no consideration for ethics or, on the most basic level, the serious damage done to individuals’ lives.

Arrington writes:

A lot of people I know read Valleywag, and say it’s fun to hear all the gossip. But all of those people change their tune the first time the blog turns on them and includes them in a rumor. An example: TED founder Chris Anderson, distressed over the publication of the TED attendee list, recently wrote to Valleywag owner Nick Denton that he “didn’t think [he’d] be on the receiving end” of Valleywag gossip. His email was promptly posted to the site.

Most of the gossip is harmless. Much of it, though, isn’t (like the sex incident above). Celebrities have had to live with this kind of nonsense for decades, which explains why some of them pull out of society entirely and become completely anti-social. Perhaps, some argue, they bring it on themselves by seeking fame.

But for people in Silicon Valley, who are not celebrities and who have no desire other than to build a great startup, a post on Valleywag comes as a huge shock. Seeing your marriage woes, DUI or employment termination up on a popular public website (permanently indexed by search engines) is simply more than they can handle. They have not had the ramp up time to build resistance to the attacks.

Arrington is correct - it takes time to “ramp up” to the idea that people can publish just about anything they want about you, and other people will believe it.  The truth is, 50% of the shit is just made up.  The other 30% is exaggerated or deliberately misinterpreted for dramatic effect. (but yeah, I’ll be honest, 20% is probably true.)

I was in denial for a long, long time about how much gossip like this affected my life - most likely because I believed (incorrectly) that as long as I was strong enough to take it, everything would be fine.  “Who would believe a silly gossip blog?” I thought naively.  Uh … a lot of people. And unfortunately, it turns out that the worst part isn’t the crappy way you feel when people insult you.  It’s when your loved ones start getting dragged into the mess - and when you miss out on potential loved ones, because they can’t get past the inaccurate conclusions they’ve jumped to after a cursory google search.

I still don’t know what the answer is.  Some people, as Arrington notes, withdraw.  They refuse to comment on their private lives.   If you haven’t already noticed, I no longer write a SINGLE WORD about who I’m dating or not dating. I clearly learned my lesson on that one.

But as far as the rest of it - I don’t know what else I can do, except perhaps to stop blogging entirely, and I don’t want to do that.  As my good friends know, this blog is a lot of fun for me, but it’s just a TINY percentage of who I am.

In the future, more and more of us will experience the detrimental effects of internet gossip.  What’s the answer?  Don’t read it.  Don’t believe it.  Ignore it.  And if you MUST READ IT, if you MUST google someone you don’t know, realize that much of the internet does NOT value or reward fact-checking.  Or anything even remotely resembling balanced, ethical reporting, for that matter.  They don’t give a shit about people - they care only about pageviews.  So MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS, from your own experience, your own interactions.  Or try this novel idea: withholding judgment.  At the very least, take a grain of salt and pass it around, will you?

I know, I know.  A girl can dream.