"Thank you life ... thank you love!"

Thank you everyone.

A year ago today I was squatting in my ex-boyfriend’s apartment, having just angrily parted ways with my newspaper, which refused to pay me more than $50 a column - not in any sense (let alone Manhattan-cents) a living wage.  I had been one half of a couple for longer than I cared to remember; I had just broken two men’s hearts, my friendships and bank account were in tatters, I didn’t know where my career was going (if it was going at all), or whether I would ever be able to actually make a decent living.  My mom was taking care of Lilly temporarily and wouldn’t give her back because she wasn’t sure I was “responsible enough” to have her.  I felt like I had never stood on my own, because I hadn’t.  And I was afraid … because I wasn’t sure I could.

Somewhere along the way, I had lost myself.

And then I kept going.  But instead of making the same decisions that led to my confusion, I thought and thought, and reflected and struggled and tried so hard to make - if not the “right” decisions, at least better decisions - decisions that would allow me to grow as a person.  I worked my ass off.  I repaired my friendships.  I found direction in my career.  I got a REAL paycheck (but no, uh, health insurance.  That’s on the list for 27.)  I moved out of my ex’s place and into my own tiny little gem of an apartment - no roommates, just ME.  I bought furniture I liked instead of the stuff my exes would have liked.  I got my puppy back.  I got ME back.

And you know what?  I found out I COULD stand on my own.  No boyfriends.  No parents.  No answering to anyone but myself.

As I look around me, in the first minutes of being 27, I realize that the fears of my younger self about being an adult were unwarranted.  This is the best I’ve ever felt, here, all alone, just myself.   I’m me.  In fact, I’m more me than I’ve been in years.  Actually, I’m more me than I’ve ever been in my whole life.

For all of you who feel now the way I did a year ago - a little bit lost, a little bit frightened - just know how quickly things can turn around.  It wasn’t easy to let go of my safety net, that’s for sure.  Yeah, I had my heart broken.  And don’t think for a second that the very harsh criticism and personal attacks I’ve endured as a result of putting myself out there haven’t hurt like a bitch.

But I just kept going … trying to figure out where I went wrong, or at least make different mistakes in the future, I suppose.  Trying to figure out what my real purpose here is, and doing the best I could to be the best person I could be.  You know, What Would Mr. Rogers Do?  :) haha

Hey, I’m proud of my last year.  I worked damn hard to get here.

Hello 27!!!  Nice to meet you.

I can’t wait to see what happens next.